Girl With 3 EEEs

Yeah, I'm lazy and forgetful.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Wild World of Batwoman
The movies they review on this show are fucking crazy; they just prove that if you had money in Hollywood in the 60s, you could have made any movie you wanted. Fuck having a plot, just throw in some bikini-clad women and have the camera on them for wayyy too long. I think some of those girls had wigs on. I wouldn't want to be identified after doing that movie, either.
I used to love MST3K, but I thought it was funnier when it was still on air. They started making a recent version of this series under a different name, and I don't remember if I like the new version better.

Samantha Who? Season 1
OMG, so funny and cute. Evil Samantha was very funny; I love evil Samantha. I like that Evil Sam was always on point; very quick-witted and conniving. I love Jennifer Esposito's character; somehow I identify with her. This show made me want to live in Chicago, then I realized: its CHICAGO. The writer's really thought out all of the potential issues with what she would go through with her form of amnesia. I can't wait for season 2.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (3)
Honesty, I didn't watch it. I didn't think I could sit through it. #1 - Good. #2 - almost fell asleep on.

Weeds: remainder of Season 2 and all of Season 3
Phenomenal show. So many twists. Really waiting for season 4 to hit Netflix. Now that I think about it, why is Romany Malco the only cute guy on the show? Doug is so funny, its crazy.

Gossip Girl: Part of season 1
Alright, everyone around me was talking about this show, and I really didn't want to hear about a bunch of little priviliged white girls, trapsing around NYC. But I do like fashion, so I gave up and dived in. What's with Blair's headband fetish? Don't get me wrong, I like a good headband, but I like to do head scarves, too. But she had this red one on that had a HUGE red bow on the side. Doesn't Blair look like a porcelain doll? Serena (Selena??) is looking a little old to be playing a high schooler. I mean, she looks young, but not high school young, I don't think. The guy that everyone thinks is gay is very cute, but I don't think he's gay. And his fucking partner in crime: that guy looks odd. There is no amount of suits and scarves that will make him look better.
And what's with the underage drinking in bars? Most bars I know are not trying to lose their liquor license over some rich kids.

I think that's it for now. The weekend is upon us, which means more reviews to come. Stay tuned (get it, tuned??)

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 1:28 PM Comments

It was called Red Friday because my pockets were bleeding, people!! My savings are in the red!

It all started on a very lazy Thanksgiving afternoon. I was surfing the internets, when I got a text from my sister, along the lines of "OMG! Crazy Staples sale on digital camera with free printer!" Crap. I love a good sale, and I love buying things even more. I go to Staples.com and look at their black friday circular. HOLY CRAP - 640GB external hard drive for $70???? Shitola, I might have to pick that up. And they did have an $80 kodak camera that included a 1GB memory card, which I needed 2 of for christmas gifts (next year, kids, you're getting potted plants). Two great deals in one great store. Which meant that I had to be at Staples by 6am. I really don't know what 6am looks like most of the time, but that didn't stop me from going to bed at around midnight.

I get up and get ready to go by 5:50 (Staples is only a few minutes if my train is ready to go when I get there). But since it was technically still late night, my train was on the "I ain't leaving this station until 6am" schedule. So, I get to 125th Street Staples after the doors are open and, um, it was chaos. I go to the case for the hard drives and there was already a line at the case, waiting for the ONE PERSON who had the key to all the cases. And this case only had 2 of the advertised hard drive. Excuse me? But they guy said he would look in the back storage and bring out what they had. Shouldn't they have done that already in preparation? They did it with everything else that was on sale. Apparently, I needed a friggin ticket to get the camera, and they would only give you 1 ticket per person. Ok, but isn't the point of these black friday sales is first come first served type deal? Like, if you get there too late, you're screwed? Why limit? So, while I was in the check out line to redeem my ticket for the camera, I saw the guy bring out the rest of the hard drives and tell another guy that he can just pick his up at the front. "Oh, so I'll do that, too" I thought, since you don't need a ticket for that. Screw you, pal.

I walked out the store, partially triumphant at around 6:20 or so, but I needed that 2nd camera. So, I sucked it up and braved Herald Square (aka Macy's land and tourist hellhole) to go to the Staples down there. OK, when I was a teen and I had off from school, I liked to sleep in. Not these kids. An assload of them were at Old Navy and I had to (quickly) maneuver around/through them to get to Staples. God, they were everywhere, all perky and hopped up on spending their parent's money. Anyway, got to Staples, where they had a mountain of cameras that you didn't NEED a ticket for. Fucking 125th street Staples. Let me tell you, one of those cashiers at 34th Street got trained really well in upselling because every time she rang something up for me, she was pushing something: No, dear, I don't want a $5 warranty on a $15 USB drive. No, dear, I don't want another memory card. Yes, i am sure because I've worked with way less and got an assload of pics. Yet again, I don't want a warranty on the camera. If my niece/nephew decides to drop it in the toilet, then it shouldn't have been in the bathroom in the first place.

So, its 6:50, and, naturally, I'm hungry. I risk falling down the steep stairs of Burger King to get a croissantwich. There are 2 people ahead of me, with only 1 person on the register (naturally). An older lady is already at the register, pulling out tiny pieces of paper and cash. She pays and then she quickly gets her food and rushes out the door (why did the person immediately before me and immediately after me get their food before I did?) Then I notice money on the ground, which is the perk of me being shy: I look down all the time. It was folded twice, and I was studying the wording on the back of the bill. It looked really tight together, and I know what all bills up to the $20 bill looks like with a weird intimacy, so I knew it was higher than a $20. I was PRAYING to all heaven that no one saw the money on the ground. AND THEY DIDN'T! So when the woman before me when to the register, I kneeled next to her feet and picked up the money. Drumroll, please: $100!! Oh, and I soooooooo needed it. So, all before 7am, I survived the crowds and found $100! By 8am, I was already home, transferring all my music and pics to the hard drive. By 10am, I was already napping.

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 12:29 PM Comments

I know, I know - I'm late. So sorry, but I was so excited about the holiday that I fell asleep early yesterday, and my lazy ass didn't take the time out to update. My apologies...

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 8:12 PM Comments

So, I'm going to be starting a new segment called Netflix Roundup, or some snarky form of that phrase. Each week (I guess each Wednesday, since I was too lazy to do it Mon or Tue), I will review my netflix offerings from the previous weekend. I do not have cable, or regular TV channels for that matter, so I am an avid Netflix subscriber - 5-at-a-time, baby. I'm actually thinking about canceling, then seeing if they will offer me a better rate to lure me back in. I love Netflix, and I try and push everyone on it. Seriously, for the price of buying 1 DVD a month, you can see so many movies. Can't beat it with a stick. Anyhoo, sometimes I can remember the actor's real name, sometimes I can't. Sue me.

Dirty Sexy Money - Season 1
Holy crap. This show is fucking awesome. The story lines all connect to each episode, so they don't let you forget what the hell has been happening. Peter Krause (Nick), I think, is typecast: stand up guy, trying to do the right thing sorta guy. But the Darlings: they are so great. And they put a black billionaire on there: A+, my friends. A+. If you want a show that always keep you guessing and keeps giving you twists, this is the show for you.

Smart People
I kept thinking, "did the Dennis Quaid really put on all that belly weight, or was that padding? I mean, he did play an aging football player in that football movie a few years ago (Any Given Sunday). And he looked so good then. Hmm." Ellen Page: she needs some range to her acting. No, I didn't see Carrie 2 or whatever movie she played in before Juno (wait, I think I did see Carrie 2, but its not my fault because there was nothing else playing and I was in SC, for god's sake), but she was fucking annoying. And she really needs to eat something. If you decide to rent this movie, there is a part when she's in gym shorts: yo, the bitch needs some carbs - look at her fucking legs! I'm surprised her little twig legs could support her head (yeah, I went there). I kept looking at her legs, then the rest of her body in proportion, and I was amazed that her legs were smaller than the upper part of my arm. SJP is needs to keep her hair curly because, as much as I love her in SATC, let's do some math: SJP + straight hair = old hag face. Either she needs some brighter, fresher makeup, or some bronzer or something. There are plenty of 40-something actresses that hasn't gotten any work done (or looks like they haven't) who looks better. I can't think of any examples right now, because Nicole Kidman keeps popping into my head, and we all know she has had something done. (I was going to insert a joke about Vavelta (google it and tell me what the secret ingredient is), but it was just going to sound very child-pornish, so forget it). Back to the review: good movie, if you like actors pretending to be pretentious douchebags. And I was so looking forward to this.

Lives of Others
Foreign, meaning I couldn't do my nails while watching the movie, like I normally do because I had to read the subtitles. Basically, a guy in some sort of police-like group 1980's Russia spies on a famous couple because they think the boyfriend is going to rebel against "the man." The Netflix description said something like "when the spy starts muddling around in their personal lives, things take a turn," or some shit. This was not a predictable movie. I think I expected it to turn out differently, but I can't really describe what I thought the outcome would be. Maybe I thought he would be more involved, or something. I don't know. But good spy movie. I didn't like the spy's fate, though.

BONUS REVIEW: American Dreamz (watched the week prior)
Um, huh?
Dreams, with a Z. Oh, Mandy Moore.
No, in fact - oh, Hugh. I love Hugh Grant, (that's why I put this on my list) but good god, man: you could have said NO.

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 7:21 PM Comments

OK, we just realized that a client of ours is quite dumber than we thought. It's sad, yet, we laugh for days and days. Dumb ass. How many times can I get away with saying some form of the word dumb in this post? 4 and counting...

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 5:56 PM Comments

It's not like I don't have enough outlets for my insanity, but here's another one - this here blog. I'll post videos, hopefully start up my podcast, and have question-answer periods with my adoring fans (when I finally get some). I'll also bitch and moan and post links to funny crap (well, stuff I find funny), post one- to two-line posts when I'm bored, and when I finally get my shit together, do mobile uploads.

I also want to find some crazy new friends that wouldn't mind coming to my house for a house party or just to chill out, and not flake out and whine "it's too far!" (You know who you are, and I do keep track. It's equally far for me to go where you guys are.)

I don't appreciate ghetto-ness or hot ghetto messes (I mean, a little is fine if its funny, but not your way of life). Don't like it? Don't read it. I mean it; stay as far away from this blog as possible.

Am I a stuck up bitch? At times, but usually, I'm just quiet until someone talks to me. Do I think I'm better than you? Eh. Maybe.

I host another blog too, and I'll post the link when I feel damn well ready to.

Umm, let's see. I'm confident, I'm insecure, I'm funny to some, I fall flat to others. I'm crazy and I'm kooky. I like to do a lot of things, but because of my sometimes shy nature - "what, she's shy?!" - and because I'm very nerdy, people ASSUME that I don't want to - also, money pretty much stops me in my tracks these days. I think I have ADD, and sometimes undiagnosed cancer, but thats another post. I also have a lot of pride, but I am generous to a fault. I cry, but do not think I'm weak. I can take a lot, so don't think I'm having a nervous breakdown - or ASSUME its "that time of the month", fuckers - if I throw something. I have strong convictions and if I know I'm right, then I'm right. Not to say I can't admit that I'm wrong, because I do all the time.

Oh, and if I misspell a few words or fuck up on some grammar - use your context clues and get over it. Sometimes, I don't reread what I type and my mouse trigger finger goes a-clickin' on PUBLISH. The same goes for if I abbreviate my words like I'm txtng u from my fon...so wat? I can do that.

Now, on to my next goal: try to take over the world! (or get some adoring fans, whichever is easier)

Posted by Never The Girl Next Door at 2:10 PM Comments